Put yourself in my shoes or get your own pair!

All of my life I’ve dreamed of having a large walk in closet,  more like a show room, fully loaded with nothing but shoes! That was slightly dramatic and a wordy way to say, “I love shoes.” I know I’ve said I don’t really follow season trends, but when it comes to shoes, I will make an exception. I think an outfit should be planned around the shoes. I think the shopping experience is much more fun if you buy the shoes first (if you don’t think shopping is an experience than you are doing it wrong!).  After looking at photos from runway shows, the styles for this fall/winter aren’t really anything we haven’t seen before. Even with that being said, what I saw still looked fresh and new.  We have the military influenced boots (flats and heels) with the straps on the sides. I can’t get enough of the leopard print ankle boots, lace or zip ups. Not so much my style, but you will see much of that pointy toe look on the boots, and regular heels.  Side-note: Every time I see the pointy toe shoe, I think of the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz (shrugs shoulders) don’t ask! Back to shoe news- Having a pair of flat boots is one of those staples to keep because you can still look like you are ready for a photo shoot and be comfortable at the same time. The “booties” are a must because they are simply adorable, no other reason.  Let’s not forget we need a pair of those girly heels. You know the ones-professional enough for work, but have a sexy side for a night out. Those heels are a necessity for every season. My absolute favorite- the thigh high boots! They yell “Make room because I’m coming through.” So, enjoy the cold (ha ha). Buy shoes.

Fashion Pause

There was an abnormal chill in the Summer air when I went out the other night. Because I couldn’t bring myself to face the reality that my favorite season was fading, I still dressed like it was a typical hot Summer night. Then a non-meteorologist spoke to me and said, “Tamara I don’t know why you dressed like that don’t you know there’s a cold front moving through?” Lol! Trust me, it was hilarious! I think there should only be 3 seasons: Spring, Summer, and Cold.  I only enjoy talking about season change into the Cold because that adds to my list of reasons to discuss fashion. Now if you are like me you don’t necessarily need a reason to go shopping, but moving into the Cold season can give you plenty of justifications for spending money on clothes. Buying essentials for the Cold season doesn’t mean you have to pack up ALL summer clothes. Layering is a good way to move into the Cold. So think twice before you pack away that colorful maxi or strapless dress. Pair that dress with a jacket, scarf, and pair of boots. With a shorter dress, it’s easy to dress for the season by pairing it with tights. When I wear sweaters, I will wear a “barely there” shirt or a tank so that I don’t burn up. (By the way, I say never pack away the tank tops.)  Also, whatever you do, don’t pack away the brights! We associate bright colors with Summer, but I think bright colors can and should be worn throughout the year. These are very simple ways to transition your wardrobe from Summer into Cold, without having to spend much money. For those of us who don’t live in Honolulu, here are pictures of ideas for “transition into the Cold” ensembles:

Having a moment....

I’ve been having these long moments of frustration that I’ve tried to ignore. Then I reminded myself that I encourage people to be honest about how they feel. So here is my honest moment. Making the decision to go back to my first love has given me so much more confidence. My vision is clear. I’ve tapped into several avenues not even sure which one will open the most doors, but that doesn’t bother. The competition doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is that I keep wondering how my life would look right now if I had made this decision even just 5 years ago. It’s a complete waste of mental energy to do it, I know (I think I even talked about this in a previous post).  But when you get to a place when you are going forward to complete the goals you want, when you know exactly how you want your life to look, when you know there’s more for you to complete, you tend to look around at your current position and frustration can set in. Now don’t get me wrong, I make it a point to start out my day giving thanks for my life and everyone in it. But give me a break people, I’m human! The weird thing is that in the midst of this frustration, I’m also excited. You may ask, “Tamu, How can you be excited and frustrated at the same time?” and I say to you, “I have no answer for that!” So don’t worry, frustration isn’t my permanent mental state. My excitement will override that.

The Big “C”

I have had several opportunities to step into a career that has always been apart of me.  Nothing became of those opportunities because I had no confidence in myself or my abilities.  I have always known what I wanted, but for some reason, at that time, it all seemed “too big and too risky.” I would sit in meetings, saying to myself, “What am I doing here, I don’t think I have what it takes, there’s no room for me.” I did not think I could “keep up.” That’s what I told myself. I literally panicked. I talked and thought myself out of the career that I am now moving back into. I know I said early on when I started this blog, that I would stay away from clichés but this one rings true: You can have all of the dreams in the world, but having no confidence makes those dreams null and void. Confidence exudes optimism and it draws people to you.  Having confidence in what you can do and what you can offer makes people want to help you. Confidence goes beyond what you can do. Confidence equals being comfortable with YOU. That comfort makes it hard for you to look at another person as competition. A person that’s comfortable in his or her skin does not “size up” other people. (You know exactly what I’m talking out!) Being comfortable in your skin allows you to notice and draw inspiration from another. Confidence is not just a phase; it’s a lifestyle, a permanent mind-set. The next time you are picking out your attire for the day, I hope that you wear confidence with no apologies.

The Real Happy Part 2

Here we go. So, I moved in with him and immediately I knew it was not one of my shining moments. I constantly felt uncomfortable and the trust I had for him disappeared. Even after he asked me to marry him, I could not shake those feelings. Those feelings actually became overwhelming. I really thought if I prayed harder, my attitude would change about the situation. From the outside, it appeared I was in a loving relationship and we were happy and “cute” together. My thought process went along these lines: “I made this decision and I am going to tough it out.” “Everything will work out because I demand it to!” “I expect for whatever I’m involved in to be successful, including this relationship.” “No way am I failing at this, this will work!” I used all of that energy to force smiles and laughs just to save face because I knew I made a bad decision. Instead of wasting the time, walking away and just accepting the situation as an experience and lesson learned, would have been so much easier. Cubic zirconium is not cute for jewelry, nor does it work with my happiness. My goal in life is to be happy..for real! Life is too short to force yourself to be happy in a situation you know is not good for you. In the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

The Real Happy Part 1

People force themselves to be happy about situations for reasons that could go on into infinity. From my experience, I’d say the main reasons are: he/she may not have the energy or confidence to get out of that place, a person may be complacent with fake appearances (knowing that their setting sounds and looks good to people looking in… from the outside), and/or because he/she is trying to, as the saying goes, “save face” (knowing a bad decision has been made, and instead of owning it and not giving a #@! about what anyone thinks, that person chooses to try and force the situation to work). For example, I was trying to accept a career choice that had and still has much prestige, status, prominence, you get the idea. I never doubted that I would have excelled in that career choice, but during my pursuit, I knew where my heart’s desire really was. However, I convinced myself that this career was chosen for me and that was the vocation I was supposed to be happy in. It was/is a safe profession with a guaranteed income, so this just had to be the “right” profession for me. I was going to do everything possible to get there. I almost made it, but not quite. I cried, but the tears weren’t shed because I didn’t go as far as I thought I would. I was crying because I would have to tell those close to me, those that were so happy, so proud, and in anticipation of seeing those specials letters behind my name, that the painted picture had to be taken down.  I wasn’t crying because my dreams had been derailed. In fact, my dreams were still in tact and had nothing to do with that career I was forcing myself to be a part of.  In order for me to come to that realization, I had to get alone and seriously soul search. It wasn’t pretty. It was hurtful. It stung. I felt I wasted time, energy, and money to be “fake happy.” (Go ahead. Use the phrase.) Stay tuned into TamuTalks for Part 2.   

What do you have right now?

Part of planning for whatever it is that you want, involves looking ahead and imagining; imagining how life will be when the door of the business you’re planning for finally opens; imagining how life will be when that first book is written, imaging how life when your brand is internationally known. It goes without saying that planning, working, regrouping, and living takes so much time. Sometimes it feels that even if there were 27 hours in a day, I would still wish for more time! Even though planning for the future is important, I don’t want to forget to focus on what is currently in front of me. I have parents and grandparents that need me to check up on them (I’m sure they will love to read this). I have siblings that need to me to make sure they are behaving in a way that will NOT embarrass their big sister. I have a niece and nephew that need spoiling. I have “nutty” friends to exchange stories with during conference calls and happy hour round tables. I have my special one who needs my attention (He may take issue with me listing him last, but I don't think he'll loose any sleep over it). I also want to remember to be thankful for, take care of, and manage the material things I have (Yes people! It is okay to be thankful for material things!). Side note: I believe that when you can handle and manage what you have right now, you are proving you can handle more in the future.  For the past month, I’ve realized that my time spent, along with my mental energy, has been focused on my future. From now on, I will make the time to just simply be thankful for what my life looks like right now.  

Red Lipstick..never leave home without it

So I hear women say, “I only wear red lipstick on special occasions.” I’ve even heard, “I can’t wear red lipstick because it’s too much." Whatever that means! Why do we get into a panic over red lipstick anyway? It’s just another lip color that can actually be worn everyday. Kind of like the little black dress, red lipstick is a staple. Just make sure you get the right shade. Let’s talk about it. Red lipstick comes in so many shades: there are reds with orange, brown, purple, blue, and pink undertones. Choosing the right shade of red isn’t complicated; it just depends on your skin tone. There are 3 groups: Warm, Cool, and Neutral. Now, the easiest way to know your skin tone is to look at your veins: if they look green, you have a warm undertone. If they look blue, you have a cool undertone. If you still don’t know, then just go with the lucky neutral. If you fall in the Warm group, you will have a yellow/golden tone. Your shade of lipstick should have brown and orange tones. For those of you in the Cool group, you will have a pink or even red tone to your skin (this group is really for those with very pale skin). Your lipstick shade should be of the pink or even blue influence. For the Neutrals, you have a lucky mix of the warm and cool undertones. This group is also where those with olive tones will be. Your perfect red shade can be fiery red, with no chaser. When you find your shade, you can either choose to go with a high gloss or a clean matte finish. However you choose to wear it, remember, everyday is a special occasion, so get your red out, apply, and go! (One more thing: Whatever you do, do NOT buy your shade at a drugstore. I need for you to go to a make up counter where you can actually test the shade before you buy.)

It makes sense to me!

The vision and dream that you are working toward everyday, to make a reality, only has to make sense to you. It is a blessing to have people in your life that love you and want to see you happy. These people may not understand what you are trying to accomplish and their response to your vision may not be of the same excitement as you carry. I have experienced this in my life and I allowed that to keep me from pursuing a vision I’ve carried since I was a little one. The vision was (and still is) so clear to me, I felt like I could touch it. I can remember thinking, “Don’t they see what a good plan this is? Why aren’t they excited?” I learned I was expecting too much. I’ve learned to not assume people will just automatically support or understand. Now, don’t misunderstand what I am saying. This doesn’t mean those people have ill thoughts towards you. It doesn’t mean that they don’t or won’t support or believe in you. It just simply means..they just don’t understand it. Think about it. Is it really possible for another person to take on the same level of enthusiasm you carry for your own vision? I’m going with “No.” They are not inside your brain. You just have to make sure you remain enthused. When working on that vision gets difficult, after all, you will have to reach into YOUR soul to pull out that drive and inspiration. As long as it makes sense to you, just do it.

Spring….Forward

Spring time is always refreshing for me. Spring represents newness, rejuvenation, and rebirth. This Spring, my mind is on rebirth. I’m going to turn my focus on doing something that I’ve always wanted to do since I was a child.  Before making the decision to switch my focus, I had to be brutally honest with myself as to why I hadn’t made the decision earlier.  To say that facing my issues was not easy would be an extreme understatement.  Looking within is so necessary in order to move forward. After I made the decision to pursue, I started to think, “If only I would’ve made the decision even just 3 years ago, I could’ve saved myself a lot of time and not to mention, money!” I was beginning to feel foolish for starting all over…in a sense. I know in order to stay focused and keep moving forward, I had to change my mind set. (Still changing……)  I’m always the one who tells people, “If you can think it, you can make it happen.” I’ve had to swallow my words a couple of times in these past weeks.  There’s still so much uncertainty, but I’m ready. Whatever Spring means to you (or maybe it means nothing), I just hope that this new season brings you pleasant surprises.   

Time

I am not 21 anymore, but I.AM.NOT.OLD.  As my birthdays come and go, I appreciate time more and more.  Time is the number one gift in my life. I look at time as that gift that comes in a box labeled, “Fragile: Handle with care.” I haven’t always handled that gift with care. There aren’t any time machines on sale that will allow me to go back some years. So I look at the days that I have been given as another chance to make up for those times that I didn’t appreciate. Time comes with chances to correct wrongs, time comes with opportunities,  time comes with chances to be better, live better, love better, talk better, think better, and to have….. better.  Time is freedom. I hear often “Tamara you need more rest.” My response is always, “But I have things to do!” I can be obsessive with doing as much as I can until I completely wear myself out! There are some days and nights where I will choose an entire pot of coffee (with vanilla-caramel creamer) over a pillow and a blanket. I understand that appropriate amount of sleep is essential for good health. I’m trying to do better with time management so that I can get enough sleep and still accomplish what I need to do with my time. (Ok. Really. I’m still wondering how that is even possible. When I figure it out, I will let you know.) I’m excited about my time to come. I’m excited about the way I will spend my time. I’m excited about who I will get to spend it with. My time. My gift. My freedom.  

Simply beautiful...with a smile.

When I lost my seat in medical school, I swore I was carrying bricks on my shoulders. I attempted to get my seat back by begging, which did not work. Also during that time, my engagement turned into a break up. It was a whirlwind for me because it happened all at once. I couldn’t think straight and things were becoming increasingly complex for me. I lost sight of my goals…career and otherwise. I felt my window of opportunity was closed. I knew somehow I had to find a way to recover and regain my “Self.” I started to pay closer attention to the simple things that made me smile. Things like hearing my niece call me “Auntie”, watching my parents enjoy their lives, watching my grandparents joke and laugh with each other, watching my sister report the news. I switched my focus on what I lost (or thought I lost) to focusing on the beauty in those things. That helped me change how I was looking at my life during that time. I was starting to see beauty in my life again. When life gets complicated, find a place where you can see simplicity and beauty. Find a place where you can at least smile even if you have trouble laughing. Things will become clearer. Opportunities open. Laughter returns.

Nouveau

Yep! It’s 2013. I remember when the year 2000 was a big deal. People were running around like mad men and women preparing for a complete life shut down. People were rushing out to stock up on food and water to prepare for an apocalypse! Since that year has come and gone, I haven’t heard of a new year causing that type of frenzy. I wonder if people even think about preparing to go into a new year anymore. Now I’m not talking about preparing for a catastrophic event, I’m talking about preparing for some New “stuff” (I really wanted to use another “s” word, but my grandmother reads this!) Well, what does the word “New” really mean? Webster tells me the word refers to “something fresh, novel, striking, having a pleasing quality.” So to prepare and make room for the new, the old must go. Old thoughts, old conversations that hold no substance, old habits, and old ways of doing things that produce results you don’t want, or that produce no results at all. Not a hard concept. Yet for some reason that old stuff becomes familiar and we wonder why nothing changes. Of course none of us know what is going to happen in these next 365 days. (And no, your horoscope can’t tell you either!) But I expect new business opportunities, I expect new roads to travel, I expect to meet new interesting and positive people. I can expect all of that, but do I have room for it? Honest Moment: I don’t trust people. Anytime I meet someone new, my mind has gone to the negative: “What are they up to?” or “What’s really behind that smile?” This makes it hard for me to build any relationship…business or otherwise!  I have improved over the years, but it’s time for that way of thinking to be tossed out for good. Now it’s your turn. Please share the old that you have thrown away to make room for the new in 2013.

CT.

I know I said I would not address news because I wanted to keep my blog "light"...but this time I have to. You don't have to be a parent to have shed tears over the tragedy in Connecticut. We have all said the same thing, "I don't understand how someone could have done this" or "I don't understand how this could have happened."  I've decided I'm not going to try and understand how or why this happened. A link to this story was sent to my email. Soon after I read it, I was sitting at my niece's Christmas program. I watched my niece, dressed in her Christmas red, walk confidently to her spot on the bleachers. She stood there smiling and carefree, waiting for her cue from the "music teacher" to begin singing. I looked at all of the faces of the other children: innocent, some wearing reindeer antlers, some dressed as elves, some waiving to their family members, some talking to each other instead of singing, some standing still and poised, some who couldn't stand still. I thought about those families who babies were taken from them. The day probably started out as a normal school day. No one even imagining their day would end like it did. Those children will never sing in a Christmas program. They will never get to open their Christmas presents they were anticipating. All over the world, people have created memorials for the victims. I saw children who released yellow balloons to honor the slain. I heard one of the children say, "I believe something good can come out of this." This statement reinforces the innocence of children. I admire that child's belief in the "something good."  Right now I question the good that can come from this. Where is it??

Don't forget what you love

We need sources of income..legal sources of income, just in case a few of you were confused. We need money to take care of ourselves. We need money to live. I will ruffle some feathers with this one, so I welcome your disagreeable comments when I say that having money makes life more enjoyable!! Show me a broke person who is walking around proclaiming, “I’m broke, but I couldn’t be happier”….hmmmm…no thanks! There is a source of pride that goes along with going to work to be able to take care of ourselves and to handle our obligations. However, I do believe that we become so anxious to make more money that it pulls us away from doing what we love. We forget what we love. Do not push that which you love to do to the wayside. Who said you have to settle for working an unfulfilling job or jobs for the rest of your life just to get a check. Take it from someone who, at one point, worked three jobs. So, I get the notion that “you have to do what you have to do.” I get it! Just consider that doing what you love CAN be a source of income. It can be your main source if that is what you choose to pursue. Why not start out doing what you love as a part time gig? Maybe that is the start you need to have a more fulfilling career.  You love what you love for a reason. Give it a chance. Give yourself a chance.

Thanksgiving Hangover

If you are like me, then you are still coming off the Thanksgiving food high and still working off the 5000 calories you inhaled on Thursday! This time every year, people become extra emotional, extra sensitive, extra “lovey-dovey”, and extra thankful and grateful for what they have.  I guess that is what’s called the “Holiday Spirit.” At the start of 2012, I made it my resolution to be more thankful for my life and those in it. Making that resolution must have worked because all year I’ve had this overwhelmingly grateful attitude for the people I love and for the gift of living; and by living I mean the ability to exist, to be able to dream, to think, and to create. As I was shoveling food into my mouth, no one knew, but I had to hold back tears. To say that I was happy to be surrounded by my family would be an understatement. The image was picture perfect!! I wonder what kind of energy would exist in the world if this attitude was a part of us all of the time. Whatever kind of gratitude you felt and expressed while you were eating your greens, turkey and dressing, macaroni and cheese and whatever else you had piled up on your plate, why not carry that same level of gratitude daily?  I know being grateful can be challenging when we are having those “life can be a real #####” days. How about before making a complaint, stop yourself and ask, “What can I be thankful for at this moment to wash away this complaint?” I’m talking to myself too people! I’m not telling you how you should think. I’m just making a very strong suggestion. We don’t have to wait for a holiday to be thankful or show gratitude. It should be a lifestyle. 

So Sentimental

(Pardon me in advance if the content of this post sounds like it could be a part of a story line for one of those "cheesy" holiday lifetime movies.) I have been experiencing this overwhelmingly appreciation for the people in my life. My family and friends close enough to be considered family, are a huge part of the reason why my life is so full. When I listen to the successes they’ve reached along with the disappointments they have endured, I feel blessed to be surrounded by such powerful people. When I get advice from them, I’m confident their advice to me serves a positive purpose only because they are in my corner. By the way, if you have to second guess whether someone in your life is in your corner…**Breaking News** …they are probably are not. Not to bring anyone down, but there are so many people who are truly living life alone.  This being alone is not just a feeling, but it is their reality.  I don’t believe a person was put here in the earth to handle LIFE all by themselves. The people in my life make up my support system: support through failures, disappointments, and success! Through my support system, I get plenty of encouragement and laughs!! My title for the person who really thinks he/she can live life alone…Fool. (Harsh?...not really.) Taking it further, I could list what each person in my support system adds to my life. I won’t do it here, but I hope I’m adding the same positive thread to their lives as they have added to mine.

AHA!

Seasons are changing, time is moving. I have been trying my best to keep up and I’m sure you are doing the same. I hope that what ever transitions you have experienced have brought enlightenment and more fuel to your journey. I know it has for me. I would describe my feeling right now as excitement. Not because of the transition into a cold season (depending on where you live), but because I’ve been having these “Aha” Moments.  (Side note: I know Oprah came up with the “aha moments” phrase, but allow me to borrow the phrase for this post.)  I won’t go into it again here, but I’ve talked about how I have learned to be flexible with my life plans. In my mind, I have envisioned how I am going to achieve a goal, the steps I have to take, and in what order!  Lately, I have laughed at myself, repeatedly for being so naive to think that I have that much control! (Perhaps I need to deal with a control issue.) You know how it goes when things happen and it begins to look like your goals and whatever you desire, have been pushed back, so far back that you can’t even see them anymore?! As you stumble along the way, you start to wonder why this and that happened. As you start to regain your balance, you realize you are facing opportunities to accomplish whatever it is you want. I’m excited about those opportunities. I was just wrong about the path I thought I was going to take to get there.  I’m looking back at a few of the “events”, that once had me picking my face up off of the floor, and I’m able to say, “Ok. I get it. I had to go through that to be ready for this opportunity.” (HOWEVER, there are still some other “happenings” that I’m still scratching my head on.)  Whether or not control is a factor, it’s still a “mutha” for reality to not match what you have written down, drawn out, or mapped out. Don’t worry about how you will get there (wherever or whatever your “there” is), just know your opportunities are still very present. 

The Change Episode

If anyone would ask, “How many people are not afraid of change?" , I would be the first one to have both hands raised high.  Without change there is no progress, no growth, no newness, no life! Yes, that all sounds good, but are we really ready for the change we seek? I had to ask myself this question recently. This last change episode, albeit positive, the waters have been shaky, leaving me to feel nervous and uneasy at times. I’m in new territory, I have new opportunities, I have new challenges, and I have more to consider. So why do I catch myself thinking, “Before all of “this”, things sure were simpler!” As life goes on, I’m really starting to understand how people can remain complacent. When I was younger, I could never understand how or why people would talk about what they wished they could do or talk about all of these moves they wanted to make in their lives, but then followed up with a reason for not moving! So much comes with stepping into a new territory. I’m going to venture off and say change has an emotional piece to it also. Change is not just about what’s happening on the exterior, but internally, we are also affected. True, it can be overwhelming. Change can happen so fast, we don’t often get that much needed moment to process what has taken place. With all of that being said, we deserve positive changes that come from working hard, hoping and praying (yes I do believe in prayer.) So when you see change taking place, do not take a step back, don’t second guess yourself, gather whatever you need, follow the yellow brick road, and go.  

I told you I would be back!

I told you I would be back!

I hope this new month is off to a healthy, safe, fabulous start for you! This delay from my blog was not a planned one. I have really missed writing, so I hope that you have really missed reading my blog!! (Do you understand what I’m getting at? If you missed reading it that means you have not given up on TamuTalks.) I have to find a better way to stay on top of my blog!! To say that I didn’t have time is a poor excuse, so disregard that from the most previous post! Side note: seriously, I do feel like I need an assistant sometimes. From now on, my blog time will be treated as a regularly scheduled appointment. I’m putting that out there, so that you can hold me to that! Now….. let’s chat!!