Back to the Basics

“If we just get back to the basics and watch how we treat each other, things in the world would be so much better.” This is what someone told me during our conversation we were having about progress and greed. This statement really got me to thinking, “Is it really that simple?” I have tried my best to keep my blog light, so I won’t give a list of all the treacherous things people have done and said to each other, just to get ahead. People make a choice to be dirty. While I’m achieving and progressing, I’m not going to step on anybody in the process. As a matter of fact, when I leave here, I want to be remembered for how I treated people. There’s no need to be ugly. Sometimes we can want to achieve and get ahead so badly, we develop this attitude of “I’m going to get what I want and forget everybody else.” A fine line can develop between this attitude and being malicious. For some, this attitude can just be one of ambition. Being ambitious, however, does not and should not translate into being grimy.  If you feel you have to throw someone under the bus, to get what you want, If you feel you have to down play someone else’s efforts to make yourself look good, If you feel you have to steal someone’s ideas because you feel it takes too long to develop your own, If you feel you have to be condescending to prove your status (whatever status that may be)…..????  Check Yourself! (Just like Ice Cube said in 1993!)

New city. New mind. Maybe.

I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to live in a couple of different cities. When I moved, I realized, after the fact, I did not take full advantage of what the cities had to offer because of my thought patterns. Change is fabulous! Change can bring progress. I’m all for new scenery, new experiences, new surroundings, new people, but before jumping up to move to another city just because you feel you need a change or if you are unhappy, consider a change in your thinking should come first. Changing cities may not necessarily change your mindset. Whatever your habits are, good or bad, those habits follow too. If you are unhappy in one city, you may still be unhappy in the next. I understand that traumatic things happen where we feel we need to leave a city for a new start, but the hurt will follow. You still have to recover. Maybe you have considered relocating because what you want to happen in your life is just not happening for you. (Of course, if you are trying to make a career change, there are cities that are homes to certain industries.) I believe that how we think, how we talk to ourselves, what we say about ourselves, affects every aspect of our lives. I believe our thinking, gives us our demeanor. I believe in the law of attraction; what we think, is what we attract. So moral of this short story, before you decide to pack up, ask yourself, “Is my thinking out of sorts, what am I saying to myself, does my thinking need to be more positive?” Answering truthfully to these questions is an eye-opener, take it from me. But, after answering these questions, you still feel the need to pack up, just relocate to a sunny place with beaches; because that’s the only way I will come and visit! Thanks!

Another Health Edition: Kind of

I am thankful that I have not had any hospital stays.  I’m not suffering from any chronic illnesses. I have been abundantly blessed with good health. I’m conscious of what I put into my body, but I am not extreme. Before I go full force with my rant, let me emphasis this is my opinion. Everyone has to do what they feel they need to do to lead the healthiest lives. Back to where I was: Call me old-fashioned, but I still believe in the well balanced meal with meat, carbohydrates, and vegetables. I do not believe we have to totally omit certain foods from our diets to be our healthiest.  I consider myself a healthy eater. I am not a big fan of beef or pork. But I will inhale a baked piece of chicken or fish. Fried food is not a regular part of my diet, but I can still appreciate a large, fried catfish dinner! Everywhere we look there are articles and books that tell us what we should eat on Tuesdays, and what not to eat on Fridays! There are shakes being marketed, telling us, “Hey, you don’t need food at all. All the nutrients you need is in the shake!” (Ok. I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea.)  We hear food experts tell us what foods we should become blind to. You know those diets that tell us to eliminate carbs. Excuse me, no mac and cheese?!. No thank you! And real quick: how about that one diet that tells us to throw meat out the window..period? Well, I’ve looked into benefits of being a vegetarian, but I will not be moving to “Veganville” anytime soon. I may ruffle some feathers with this, but this diet is the perfect example of being extreme. I believe in eating foods in moderation. Too much of anything is not healthy, there must be balance.  I will say this again because I can: I do not believe we have to totally omit certain foods from our diets to be our healthiest. Now if you decide to go out and eat a carton of ice cream, don’t blame me because I’m not telling you to do that. Remember we are talking about extremes here. We know what foods we may need to cut back on and what foods we may need more of. Eat well. Be moderate. Until next time!

How Free Are You

To be completely comfortable with yourself, your personality, what you like, what you dislike, what excites you, what bores you to tears, accepting who you are, without making excuses, or feeling like you have to explain yourself, is what I call freedom. To know that we are flawed goes without saying. There are books that give ideas on how to work on our flaws and imperfections. I’ve read several of these books, and I’ve found them to be enlightening. I also found that while I was “working on my flaws”, I forgot about all the positive aspects of my personality. I was so focused on my flaws and how I needed to better myself that I no longer appreciated the qualities I had to offer the world. I no longer appreciated my personality. Yes, we should deal with our blemishes head on, but we should also deal with enhancing our positives. It’s no secret that when the good pieces of you are enhanced, the blemishes become smaller. We should also keep from putting the light out on our personalities just to make others feel comfortable. Not cute. Your goal in life is to live…YOU. My goal in life is to live…..ME. I’m the type of person who can mingle and would be comfortable sitting at a table full of strangers. I’m going to talk to someone at that table about something! Because of that fact, I’ve been told that I like being the center of attention. Well, if this aspect of my personality makes another uncomfortable, I can’t do anything about that. So, If you are bold, be bold! If you are life of the party, then be the life of the party! If you are witty, then be witty. Be YOU. Those that are supposed to stick around you will stay and those that leave weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

Just Take the Compliment

When someone gives you a compliment, what do you say? All together now, “Thank you!” You may be saying, “Tamu, why are you taking us back to toddler years where we learned that rule?” Let me tell you why. We learned to say thank you because it is the proper, socially acceptable thing to do.  But where did we learn to follow up “thank yous” with negatives? Let me present a simple i.e.; let’s say someone says to me, “Tamu, those shoes are fabulous.” Then I respond with, “Thank you, but they are so old.” A perfectly good compliment has just been negated with a “but.” I suspect that some people don’t know how to accept compliments. I also think some people are so concerned with being modest, they feel they have to down play the compliments in some way, as if receiving compliments makes them less modest. Compliments are given for something done well. Another i.e. moment; let’s say you form an event and your guests tell you how wonderful it turned out. How about you just accept the compliment without proclaiming what you did not like about it. When you are good at something, you are just good. Following up a “thank you” with a needless, unconstructive comment, can make you appear unsure of yourself. It can even turn you into a compliment repellent. I’ve given compliments to people and after hearing all the downbeat commentary, I just wanted to just say, “Never mind on that compliment.” There is nothing wrong with accepting compliments and accepting them with a big kool-aid grin. Your acceptance doesn’t make you arrogant. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that people consider what you did, said, or how you look was/is grand! Compliments are one of the very few things in life that are free..so just take them!

Nothing To Do With You

You cannot control decisions a person makes. A person will make decisions to make their life more comfortable as he or she has every right to do so. Sometimes an individual will make decisions without considering how those closest will be affected. So, the decision can make others feel uncomfortable, shocked, and even hurt. This hurt will cause a person to actually blame themselves for the decision another has made. A person can blame themselves to the point of feeling inferior or less valuable. I can go into several scenarios surrounding this idea, which could be the start a book (hmmmm). Anyway, I know from experience, people will make decisions based off of what they want. Questions of “What did I do wrong?” or “How can I change?” can start to take a toll. At some point, no more mental energy should be wasted on “figuring” out why a person made the choice they made. Why? Because the decision did not have anything to do with you. I’m not telling anyone to avoid owning when your wrong-doing influenced a resolve that did cause hurt feelings. That’s different. I’m talking about those decisions that are unexpected, unpleasant surprises. I’m talking about those decisions that interrupt something you got used to, something you thought was good and then this startling decision occurs leaving you to pick your face up off of the floor. It’s okay to be sad and angry for a moment. While you’re moving through those emotions, don’t beat yourself up over someone else’s choices. That person will go on with their choice and with their life. You should do the same.