Let’s talk about it. I was trying my best not to post about
it, but I keep getting hit with the topic. How can I be 40, child-less and husband-less?! When I tell people my
age, they are surprised to learn of my no kid/no husband status. Here are some
of the reactions I get: “Wait, so you’ve
never been married?” “You do have kids though, right?” “How old are you again?”
“Did you just not want kids/husband?” “Oh,
you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” I also get “You’re just too
independent.” “I get it. You’re married to your career.” “It must be nice to
have extra time to yourself.” “Dating has to be difficult; ya’ know..trying to
find the right guy.” “Wow!” (concerned looks go here).
For a long time, I was taught that I should want kids and
marriage, but “be married first because
that’s the right thing to do!” Those messages came from family and other
people around me. When I started to develop my own view of how I wanted my life to look, not how I was
told it should look, I realized something. Having kids and being married did
not fit. I used to think that something was wrong with me for not wanting “kids who are such a blessing” and for
not wanting to be married so I could “build a life with someone else”. I tried to force myself to be comfortable with
that image. For fear of being viewed as selfish or plain nuts, it took time for
me to be assertive about how I wanted my life to look. It took time for me to
not feel shame for being clear about what I wanted to include and not include
in my life.
I can’t speak for every single, child-less woman who is of
the same age, but these women may appreciate the following ground rules:
Don’t assume we have extra time to spare because
we’re single with no kids. If you see extra time laying around anywhere, could
you please pass some on to me?!
Don’t assume that we don’t want nor are we not
in a committed relationship.
Don’t say to us, “You’re married to your career”
because that sounds dumb. We don’t need for you to create another reason or
soften our reasons for not wanting to be married.
Don’t tell us we are too independent. As if a
woman married with children is somehow not independent..?
Don’t scrunch up your face and show concern for
the choices we have made for our lives. Don’t be so shocked. We’re happy.
I can feel a part two coming on. In the meantime, I’d love to read what you think. Please comment below!
