Imperfect

I hope at this time, you are seeing the efforts of your hard work coming to life! I took a moment a few days ago to write down a laundry list of everything I have going on right now. I.am.overwhelmed. But don't worry about me! The good thing is that I am even more determined to find that much needed balance. One "to-do" on my list is to create a women's wear, Spring/Summer 2015 collection by this August. (Long sigh!) I went through an entire list of excuses of why I should walk away from this opportunity: "I don't have time", "I want to be able to give this my all, so I'll just wait until next year", "I can't compete now because my designing skills aren't where they should be"~ Blah! I was reminded of a previous post where I mentioned if we waited until things were perfect to pursue anything, nothing would get accomplished. Being to complete those tasks will bring more satisfaction if we can talk about the bumpy road(s) we had to walk, run, skip, and crawl in order to cross those tasks off of the list. Stay tuned.

Faith

C-duo

"Courage + confidence is a recipe for just being cocky." What?! Who in thee (insert your choice word here) said that? There are plenty of talented people in this world. The difference between just the talented and the talented whom actually build a life surrounding their talent is that "C" duo. You can't have one without the other. We were given a life to be productive. What better way to be productive than to work your talents?!  Since I've committed myself to building my business, I've had moments of being intimidated by own vision! Then I stop and breath. My appreciated reader, you and I were born with everything we need to build "brick by brick." Being told "No", hasn't killed us. We just need to step over those "No's" until we find our way IN. We don't have the time to worry if we're viewed as being "cocky." I'd rather be called "cocky" than to just be a dreamer. The End.
P.S. At the time of this post, I was running on 4 hours of sleep. So, rather than a funny, clever ending, "The End" was the best ending I could think of.

TNT

I hold a corporate job where I manage a department and forecast profits. From the outside, it looks as if my “career” is going well. But this job is just that: a job. It’s not a career. Some days while I’m in my office, I get sidetracked and go to my own business plan and just stare at it. I stare at it wishing I was in my design studio picking out fabrics for my next collection!  That makes for a long day! (Side note: I do not speak of my blog at work, so no co-workers will be reading this. However, it’s possible they could stumble across my blog. If that happens anytime soon and they see this....well.) I’ve had to eat, sleep, and breathe tenacity. Tenacity is keeping the right attitude from day to day while working a job that pays the bills, but doesn’t fit the bill. Tenacity must override the temptation to wake up Monday morning already wishing it was Friday again! Tenacity has to override feelings of being stuck. Tenacity must override frustration. Let.tenacity.rule.

Just sign the papers!

Did I really just let 19 days go by into this New Year without posting?! To my readers, I hope your withdrawals weren’t too extreme. I can’t believe it’s already the 19^th day. I hope your 2014 has brought pleasant beginnings. I signed papers during these last 19 days that make my business official. Going through those documents made me nervous, yet excited. When I signed that last piece of paper, I took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair. This is the time where the line between talking and doing is defined. A dream is just a vision, until the first step is made.  

         “Life is not magic tricks and illusions;you have to saw yourself to see success.”

Monumental

There are plenty of people who say “The new year is just another day.” Some people may say it just because that’s how they feel; no particular reason. I suspect there are some people that don’t recognize a new year because of cynicism.  Life has a way of throwing jabs for so long, those jabs can send a person into a complete cynical bubble that’s difficult to get out of. I’ve had moments in life where it felt like my heart was just going to explode; moments that left me feeling broken and hopeless. So, I sympathize with those who don’t have the desire to recognize a new year, let alone get turned up for it. (Side note: Today is the last day I’ll ever use the phrase “Turned up” or any form of it.) There’s still something in me that won’t allow my mind to ignore that I’ve lived another 365 days! It is a privilege to have been given the grace and space to see the end of another year-it’s monumental for me. The end of a year brings all types of emotions. The emotions that I can articulate are excitement and anticipation.  For 2014, I have a vision of what I would like to see happen not just for myself, but for the people I love. This is the last day of 2013 and I can pick up the phone and still hear my loved ones voices. It goes without saying that no one knows what 2014 holds, but I do know that I will hold on to my loved ones much tighter. In 2013, I realized when you finally accept, once and for all, that dream and just go for it; that decision takes you into another zone of self-confidence and assurance. 2013 brought me a full understanding that peace of mind means everything.  So, whether you celebrate the end of a year/beginning of a new year or not, I wish to you peace of mind and more self confidence. With those two, you can conquer anything in 2014 and beyond.

My list of "2013's Fascinating People"

                                                         

My Nephew

There’s no holding my nephew in my arms because he is now walking! Because my parents’ house is not baby proof, we had to create barricades to keep him in one room. I watched him as he studied the “barricades”: walking back and forth trying to figure out a way to get free! Kids show us how to be resourceful: if you can’t get one thing one way, they show us how to create another route to get where we are trying to go.

My Niece

When my niece asks for something, in her mind, it has already happened. When she makes a statement, she says it with fact even when there is no evidence. Kids show us how to be bold with our faith. Thanks to my niece for reminding me to just believe.

My Grandfather

You know the adage, “It’s never too late”, well; my grandfather personifies that to the fullest. How many people in their 80s do you know still compete in weight lifting contests? About 1 month ago, he competed and beat several records. He doesn’t do it for notoriety. He does it just because he enjoys it.

My Brother

This year I really had the chance to watch my brother as he is fulfilling his role as a father. I’m sure there are times things get tough for him in his new role. The way he has embraced fatherhood has given me many “Proud Big Sis” moments.

My Mother

I’m the age my mom was when she decided to pursue a career she’s always wanted. She pursued HARD in unfavorable situations. Today, she has those two letters behind her name.  Her success goes beyond having those letters. She is also successful because she didn’t wait for the “time to be right” nor did she wait until she “had more money.”  I'd say most of her success lies in the fact she realized she waited long enough and made a decision to go for it. No excuses.

Top 7

During this time, there are shows who give highlights of fascinating moments, fascinating people, or pure ridiculousness of the closing year. Well guess what?! Yours truly has created her first list…Top 7 long moments of “Pure Ridiculousness that needs to end in 2013.” Please note: The number does not denote the level of “ridiculousness.”

1)     Every unfavorable situation, including bad weather, has been blamed on President Obama. Just stop it. You know who you are.

2)     Those of you constantly claiming to have “haters” aka “fans.” Who cares? Just get more hobbies. This way there would be no more mental energy left to spend on all “haters” and “fans.”

3)     Facial tattoos. No.

4)     Being afraid to make that dream a reality. At least try. (A reminder to myself.)

5)     Men with braids/long hair. I can’t.

6)     People sending me game requests on facebook. 

7)   People talking about themselves in 3rd person, like I just did above. 

Friend..Are you there?

Other than death (a little dramatic), what would cause a friend to stop returning your phone calls, emails, text messages? This topic came about when my brother expressed concern that a friend of his had stopped communicating with him. Now my brother expressed his slight disappointment for about 2 minutes and then he was done with it. Of course, as Big Sister, I offered my advice. I told my brother to not take it personally and some people you have to just let them be. I started thinking about the times in my life when several people that I labeled as friends didn’t reciprocate my communication efforts. This is what I believe: Friendship=Communication. Friends are blessings. Friends are people that you share your heartaches and triumphs with. If you are feeling like you’re pushing a friendship/communication on someone, then I’m pretty sure he/she is.not.a.friend. People DO change and get different over time for whatever reason. Even if you said something or did something offensive to those individuals, if they couldn’t be mature enough to express that to you, that’s too bad. Sometimes life gets in the way. I get that and yet I still don’t believe in constantly trying to contact someone who chooses to not respond. To wonder “What happened?” or “Did I say something wrong?” is wasted mental energy. You wish that person the best and move on.  

Rent a what?!

It was brought to my attention over greens and german chocolate cake that people are renting boyfriends/girlfriends for the holidays. Now I had to do a little online research to find out how many of these “rent a boyfriend/girlfriend/” services exist. These services are big business and there are plenty to choose from. The goal of this service is to help people avoid the holiday “pressure” of family and other people asking questions like, “Where is your date?”, “What happened to the “one” you brought to the last holiday dinner” or “Why aren’t you dating?”  Let’s stop here. No one can pressure you unless you allow it. What happened to just being honest and saying, “I’ll bring someone around when I feel the time is right” or “I thought I would be cuter if I came alone” or “My love life isn’t up for discussion. I came to eat!” (Being honest is free. No service charge for that!)  I get that some of the pressure comes from within. Here you are sitting at the table surrounded by couples and you have walked into this holiday gathering by yourself. You may start to look around wondering if you are the only one who doesn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/husband/wife..something?!  I’ve been on both sides: I’ve been “attached” to someone at the table and I’ve been “single” at the table. Even though those questions hit my mind, being the “single” one didn’t make me feel any less or incomplete. It certainly didn’t make me feel like I should’ve rented a boyfriend just for appearances! That is not cute nor is it hot. I felt complete because I was surrounded by my family. I felt complete because I was talking, laughing, and joking with the people I love. It may seem as though I’m mad at these services. I’m really not. The creators of these services have found a niche to make legal money. These “rent-a-date” services feed into the notion that people would rather paint pictures and be pseudo, rather than just live life for real.  

Party Styles

Holiday parties, it's time; both family and business holiday parties alike. Showing up to the parties and sometimes planning them can be the easy part. It’s the “what do I wear” part that can take some serious thought.  Let’s take the business or company holiday party; You probably want to avoid that loaded sequins, short dress. You definitely want to stay away from low cut dresses or blouses.  You can be sexy at the company holiday party without appearing confused about where you are. A suggestion would be to wear free flowing dress with a moderate neckline and knee length. Take this opportunity to emphasize the accessories, yes this includes your shoes. If you have decided to host a holiday party or dinner, you are the assumed life of the party. You maybe tired from planning, decorating, and cooking, if you’re lucky (notice the sarcasm when I say “lucky”), so you want to stay comfortable while you mingle. To look like the carefree host who planned a fabulous party effortlessly, I have posted some pictures of outfit ideas that could work. How can we forget about that “I’m going to eat everything I possibly can” event that’s showing up very soon (Some of you are so excited that you’re already planning how to pack as much food as you can on your plate).  It helps to be dressed in comfortable clothes, not only because of the food, but for the travel that happens on Thanksgiving. You’re at your parent’s house, your pretend auntie’s house, your 3^rd cousin’s house; that house hopping can get real!  You know when you get together with family and friends, you take pics that always end up on facebook, twitter, instagram (did I miss one?).  Comfortable and fashionable do go together! For example instead of one of my usual form fitting dresses, I’ll go with a dress that has more of a flare or is an A-line. The easiest outfit would be to take a pair of leggings with a funky print and match it with a tunic that falls slightly off of the shoulders. Have fun, be cute, and be merry.

Sweet November

With 3 days in, the month has been eventful in a good way for which I am grateful. I must admit that time got away from me to write a full post this weekend, but I wanted to drop in and say that I hope YOUR month has started off in the best way. I hope you looked in the mirror and gave yourself credit for what you accomplished last month, even if some minor adjustments had to be made.  I hope you know you must be something real special to get another chance to go after what you want. I hope you take hold of the reigns and go forward and refuse to be held back by anything or anybody. So shine bright (“like a diamond” I had to :-), it is November 2013.  

Big Breaks

We can all agree that wanting to accomplish something means nothing unless you do what’s necessary to see the accomplishment. Achieving involves taking steps; these steps are opportunities. It’s one thing to work hard, pray, hope, and to believe for opportunities to present themselves. It’s another thing to recognize what is in front of you and not be afraid when the opportunities present themselves. Just recently I’ve been presented with several opportunities. When they were first presented to me, I didn’t recognize them as chances for me to progress. Then when I acknowledged what they were, fear attempted to set in. I battled repeat thoughts of “What if the responsibility is too much?” “Am I ready for this?” and “What if I can’t do it?” I took a moment of silence, literally, to relax my mind. Once I calmed down, I had to remind myself that this is what I’ve been working toward. I deserve these opportunities aka “The big breaks.” Then I had another honest moment: All of this time I’ve spent planning and working, there was a part of me that didn’t think I deserved the breaks. I share that with you to say that whatever you are working hard towards achieving, not only should you believe your hard work will pay off, but you should recognize an open door, walk through it knowing you are more than qualified for the occasion, commemorate the win, and never apologize for the celebration.

Let's talk about it

I believe the season change is symbolic for life changes. I believe the season change is symbolic for taking the next life step. I see the season change as movement forward, as progression. Moving into Autumn/Winter can be mentally draining for many people because Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, aka The Holidays, are quickly approaching. The Holidays can be a tough time for people because our focus tends to be on family, friendships, and love. For those that have lost love ones due to death, divorce/break up, a broken friendship, the list can go on, the Holidays can a very lonely and depressing time.  Not to mention, The Holidays are expensive! So for the one who has lost a job, that can make these times rough, and the feelings of failure can set in. Dealing with these situations can wreak havoc on our mental health. I have said, I am saying, and will continue to say that mental health is just as important as physical health. I believe the two go hand in hand. We can dress up and look runway ready everyday, but you can’t dress up a mental struggle. The stigma on getting help for the mind leads to people to say things like, “I don’t need therapy, I have Jesus”, or “Why should I talk to a stranger about my life?” If moving into this season is tough, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. If you are still holding onto grudges and anger, ask for help and get relief so you experience movement forward.

Put yourself in my shoes or get your own pair!

All of my life I’ve dreamed of having a large walk in closet,  more like a show room, fully loaded with nothing but shoes! That was slightly dramatic and a wordy way to say, “I love shoes.” I know I’ve said I don’t really follow season trends, but when it comes to shoes, I will make an exception. I think an outfit should be planned around the shoes. I think the shopping experience is much more fun if you buy the shoes first (if you don’t think shopping is an experience than you are doing it wrong!).  After looking at photos from runway shows, the styles for this fall/winter aren’t really anything we haven’t seen before. Even with that being said, what I saw still looked fresh and new.  We have the military influenced boots (flats and heels) with the straps on the sides. I can’t get enough of the leopard print ankle boots, lace or zip ups. Not so much my style, but you will see much of that pointy toe look on the boots, and regular heels.  Side-note: Every time I see the pointy toe shoe, I think of the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz (shrugs shoulders) don’t ask! Back to shoe news- Having a pair of flat boots is one of those staples to keep because you can still look like you are ready for a photo shoot and be comfortable at the same time. The “booties” are a must because they are simply adorable, no other reason.  Let’s not forget we need a pair of those girly heels. You know the ones-professional enough for work, but have a sexy side for a night out. Those heels are a necessity for every season. My absolute favorite- the thigh high boots! They yell “Make room because I’m coming through.” So, enjoy the cold (ha ha). Buy shoes.

Fashion Pause

There was an abnormal chill in the Summer air when I went out the other night. Because I couldn’t bring myself to face the reality that my favorite season was fading, I still dressed like it was a typical hot Summer night. Then a non-meteorologist spoke to me and said, “Tamara I don’t know why you dressed like that don’t you know there’s a cold front moving through?” Lol! Trust me, it was hilarious! I think there should only be 3 seasons: Spring, Summer, and Cold.  I only enjoy talking about season change into the Cold because that adds to my list of reasons to discuss fashion. Now if you are like me you don’t necessarily need a reason to go shopping, but moving into the Cold season can give you plenty of justifications for spending money on clothes. Buying essentials for the Cold season doesn’t mean you have to pack up ALL summer clothes. Layering is a good way to move into the Cold. So think twice before you pack away that colorful maxi or strapless dress. Pair that dress with a jacket, scarf, and pair of boots. With a shorter dress, it’s easy to dress for the season by pairing it with tights. When I wear sweaters, I will wear a “barely there” shirt or a tank so that I don’t burn up. (By the way, I say never pack away the tank tops.)  Also, whatever you do, don’t pack away the brights! We associate bright colors with Summer, but I think bright colors can and should be worn throughout the year. These are very simple ways to transition your wardrobe from Summer into Cold, without having to spend much money. For those of us who don’t live in Honolulu, here are pictures of ideas for “transition into the Cold” ensembles:

Having a moment....

I’ve been having these long moments of frustration that I’ve tried to ignore. Then I reminded myself that I encourage people to be honest about how they feel. So here is my honest moment. Making the decision to go back to my first love has given me so much more confidence. My vision is clear. I’ve tapped into several avenues not even sure which one will open the most doors, but that doesn’t bother. The competition doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is that I keep wondering how my life would look right now if I had made this decision even just 5 years ago. It’s a complete waste of mental energy to do it, I know (I think I even talked about this in a previous post).  But when you get to a place when you are going forward to complete the goals you want, when you know exactly how you want your life to look, when you know there’s more for you to complete, you tend to look around at your current position and frustration can set in. Now don’t get me wrong, I make it a point to start out my day giving thanks for my life and everyone in it. But give me a break people, I’m human! The weird thing is that in the midst of this frustration, I’m also excited. You may ask, “Tamu, How can you be excited and frustrated at the same time?” and I say to you, “I have no answer for that!” So don’t worry, frustration isn’t my permanent mental state. My excitement will override that.

The Big “C”

I have had several opportunities to step into a career that has always been apart of me.  Nothing became of those opportunities because I had no confidence in myself or my abilities.  I have always known what I wanted, but for some reason, at that time, it all seemed “too big and too risky.” I would sit in meetings, saying to myself, “What am I doing here, I don’t think I have what it takes, there’s no room for me.” I did not think I could “keep up.” That’s what I told myself. I literally panicked. I talked and thought myself out of the career that I am now moving back into. I know I said early on when I started this blog, that I would stay away from clichés but this one rings true: You can have all of the dreams in the world, but having no confidence makes those dreams null and void. Confidence exudes optimism and it draws people to you.  Having confidence in what you can do and what you can offer makes people want to help you. Confidence goes beyond what you can do. Confidence equals being comfortable with YOU. That comfort makes it hard for you to look at another person as competition. A person that’s comfortable in his or her skin does not “size up” other people. (You know exactly what I’m talking out!) Being comfortable in your skin allows you to notice and draw inspiration from another. Confidence is not just a phase; it’s a lifestyle, a permanent mind-set. The next time you are picking out your attire for the day, I hope that you wear confidence with no apologies.

The Real Happy Part 2

Here we go. So, I moved in with him and immediately I knew it was not one of my shining moments. I constantly felt uncomfortable and the trust I had for him disappeared. Even after he asked me to marry him, I could not shake those feelings. Those feelings actually became overwhelming. I really thought if I prayed harder, my attitude would change about the situation. From the outside, it appeared I was in a loving relationship and we were happy and “cute” together. My thought process went along these lines: “I made this decision and I am going to tough it out.” “Everything will work out because I demand it to!” “I expect for whatever I’m involved in to be successful, including this relationship.” “No way am I failing at this, this will work!” I used all of that energy to force smiles and laughs just to save face because I knew I made a bad decision. Instead of wasting the time, walking away and just accepting the situation as an experience and lesson learned, would have been so much easier. Cubic zirconium is not cute for jewelry, nor does it work with my happiness. My goal in life is to be happy..for real! Life is too short to force yourself to be happy in a situation you know is not good for you. In the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

The Real Happy Part 1

People force themselves to be happy about situations for reasons that could go on into infinity. From my experience, I’d say the main reasons are: he/she may not have the energy or confidence to get out of that place, a person may be complacent with fake appearances (knowing that their setting sounds and looks good to people looking in… from the outside), and/or because he/she is trying to, as the saying goes, “save face” (knowing a bad decision has been made, and instead of owning it and not giving a #@! about what anyone thinks, that person chooses to try and force the situation to work). For example, I was trying to accept a career choice that had and still has much prestige, status, prominence, you get the idea. I never doubted that I would have excelled in that career choice, but during my pursuit, I knew where my heart’s desire really was. However, I convinced myself that this career was chosen for me and that was the vocation I was supposed to be happy in. It was/is a safe profession with a guaranteed income, so this just had to be the “right” profession for me. I was going to do everything possible to get there. I almost made it, but not quite. I cried, but the tears weren’t shed because I didn’t go as far as I thought I would. I was crying because I would have to tell those close to me, those that were so happy, so proud, and in anticipation of seeing those specials letters behind my name, that the painted picture had to be taken down.  I wasn’t crying because my dreams had been derailed. In fact, my dreams were still in tact and had nothing to do with that career I was forcing myself to be a part of.  In order for me to come to that realization, I had to get alone and seriously soul search. It wasn’t pretty. It was hurtful. It stung. I felt I wasted time, energy, and money to be “fake happy.” (Go ahead. Use the phrase.) Stay tuned into TamuTalks for Part 2.   

What do you have right now?

Part of planning for whatever it is that you want, involves looking ahead and imagining; imagining how life will be when the door of the business you’re planning for finally opens; imagining how life will be when that first book is written, imaging how life when your brand is internationally known. It goes without saying that planning, working, regrouping, and living takes so much time. Sometimes it feels that even if there were 27 hours in a day, I would still wish for more time! Even though planning for the future is important, I don’t want to forget to focus on what is currently in front of me. I have parents and grandparents that need me to check up on them (I’m sure they will love to read this). I have siblings that need to me to make sure they are behaving in a way that will NOT embarrass their big sister. I have a niece and nephew that need spoiling. I have “nutty” friends to exchange stories with during conference calls and happy hour round tables. I have my special one who needs my attention (He may take issue with me listing him last, but I don't think he'll loose any sleep over it). I also want to remember to be thankful for, take care of, and manage the material things I have (Yes people! It is okay to be thankful for material things!). Side note: I believe that when you can handle and manage what you have right now, you are proving you can handle more in the future.  For the past month, I’ve realized that my time spent, along with my mental energy, has been focused on my future. From now on, I will make the time to just simply be thankful for what my life looks like right now.